Acceptance: We Move. We Grow.

Apr 10, 2021Apr 10, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Today I had another therapy session for my ADHD and tonight it really got me think about acceptance. I thought I had accepted my diagnosis, but the reality is, I haven’t finished that process yet. I thought I was ok with the new diagnosis, the having to explain to those around me and the new found understanding of my habits and characteristics, and the reality it that isn’t untrue, but it’s a far longer process than I thought it was. It’s going to take me a long time to really accept this and be comfortable, and that’s ok.

‘Not All Men’, Male On Male Crime and Victim Blaming are there as always in the case of missing Sarah Everard.

Mar 10, 2021Mar 10, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 4 Comments

But there are changes that can be made to eradicate these conversation derailers and work to prevent this continuing to happen to women.

Books like this are just one we can start tackling the root cause of problems that build a society where women fear to walk home alone.

As human remains are found in the search for Sarah Everard, who went missing on the 3rd of March and a male Met Police Officer has been arrested, the same topics of ‘not all men’, male on male crime and victim blaming come careering to the forefront to try and derail conversations. But there are things we can start to do to change the narritive and improve society.

Life On the Struggle Bus – Living when the ‘Ability To Do The Thing’ bit of your brain doesn’t work properly.

Feb 25, 2021Feb 25, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 1 Comment

I’m struggling, and the truth is I have been for as long as I can remember. I’m not writing this to try and sound purposefully attention seeking or negative, just to be honest. It’s a lot easier to be honest with how you are feeling when you know why you are feeling like it, and therefore I have a lot of things to start admitting and acknowledging now I know what is the cause of a lot of it.

Would you still bully me today?

Feb 11, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I chose this photo because I really like it and also, vainly, because it got lots of likes when I posted it on social media. Over 100 people liked a simple photo of me finally having bothered to put make up on in the middle of last Summer. But much as we shouldn’t be living life for the likes, I’ll admit the interest it garnered and the nice comments people wrote underneath it buoyed my confidence in my appearance, something I have struggled with all my life.

How a Podcast inspired me to dream again.

Jan 27, 2021Jan 27, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 2 Comments

Dramatic title, yes, but I don’t think it’s too much of an exaggeration. 8 days ago, somewhere between 1 and 3 in the morning of the 19th of January, I couldn’t sleep. The day before I had written this post and cried, a lot. I had cried about my lack of drive, the fact I felt I had no dreams to follow, having no idea what step to take next and the crippling fear that was making me so sad. By writing the post I gave myself an opportunity to process those feelings and by finally articulating and processing them, I immediately felt a bit brighter. And in those quiet hours I sat at my desk started planning a new idea, one that has turned me from a crying mess with no clue which way to turn, to a woman more driven than I have ever been, with a fire in my belly I have not had before.

At The Crossroads Without a Map

Jan 18, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 4 Comments

Currently, I feel like I’m standing at a crossroads, with a sign as helpful as the one above, without a map. And in all honesty it’s a struggle. I don’t intend to sound as dramatic as this does, but in March everything changed for me, not a single part of my life, bar my home (for that I am grateful) stayed the same and I have been floating in limbo ever since. I lost my job, my hobbies stopped, my community responsibilities changed drastically and any semblance of a sense of purpose went with south with them and now I have no idea a) what I want, b) how to get there or c) how to cope with the complete lack of stability that it’s causing.

What does it feel like to be diagnosed with ADHD? In short, I don’t know.

Jan 14, 2021 by bethknight1304 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

This morning, after my final diagnosis appointment with a Psychiatrist, I have been diagnosed with Combined-ADHD. In short, this means I have both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive traits and in terms of the ADHD spectrum, my Dr said I was moderate. I’m thankful that this process hasn’t taken very long and that options available to me for private treatment via the NHS have meant that I have not had to face long waiting times and I have the answers to my suspicions. In terms of what else I am feeling about this diagnosis, well, many things, and it’s going to take me some time to process those feelings. So I’m starting the only way I know how: writing.

Hang In There Girl, it’s been a Record Year

Dec 30, 2020Dec 30, 2020 by bethknight1304 ♥ 3 Comments

As is usual for this time of year I have been reflecting on the year and I think, as most people will also agree for their own reasons, it is not one I will look back on particularly fondly.

The elusivity of balance.

Dec 6, 2020Dec 6, 2020 by bethknight1304 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

This blog post isn’t going to be pretty, there’ll be no photos but tonight I just need to write.

This week has been so hard. There have been a lot of tears and moments of sadness. I am fed up of them, I do not want to feel like I do, but yet again I seem to be incapable of stopping it.

A Relentless Cycle

Nov 16, 2020Nov 15, 2020 by bethknight1304 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

So, I am now a lot closer to an ADHD diagnosis than I thought I would be by now as there was a way for me to speed up the process. I also appreciate that this may turn out to not be that, although the more I read about it and have seen from others’ experience this week, the more it feels like ‘the shoe fits’, but regardless of what it turns out to be, this week has made me evalute myself a lot more and has forced me to have to try and articulate what I mean about how I feel and how I find things. And it’s made me identify what I find hardest about whatever this is.