At The Crossroads Without a Map

At The Crossroads Without a Map

Currently, I feel like I’m standing at a crossroads, with a sign as helpful as the one above, without a map. And in all honesty it’s a struggle. I don’t intend to sound as dramatic as this does, but in March everything changed for me, not a single part of my life, bar my home (for that I am grateful) stayed the same and I have been floating in limbo ever since. I lost my job, my hobbies stopped, my community responsibilities changed drastically and any semblance of a sense of purpose went with south with them and now I have no idea a) what I want, b) how to get there or c) how to cope with the complete lack of stability that it’s causing.

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What does it feel like to be diagnosed with ADHD? In short, I don’t know.

What does it feel like to be diagnosed with ADHD? In short, I don’t know.

This morning, after my final diagnosis appointment with a Psychiatrist, I have been diagnosed with Combined-ADHD. In short, this means I have both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive traits and in terms of the ADHD spectrum, my Dr said I was moderate. I’m thankful that this process hasn’t taken very long and that options available to me for private treatment via the NHS have meant that I have not had to face long waiting times and I have the answers to my suspicions. In terms of what else I am feeling about this diagnosis, well, many things, and it’s going to take me some time to process those feelings. So I’m starting the only way I know how: writing.

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A Relentless Cycle

A Relentless Cycle

So, I am now a lot closer to an ADHD diagnosis than I thought I would be by now as there was a way for me to speed up the process. I also appreciate that this may turn out to not be that, although the more I read about it and have seen from others’ experience this week, the more it feels like ‘the shoe fits’, but regardless of what it turns out to be, this week has made me evalute myself a lot more and has forced me to have to try and articulate what I mean about how I feel and how I find things. And it’s made me identify what I find hardest about whatever this is.

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Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid, Do It Anyway.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid, Do It Anyway.

This image may not look like much and may not strike anyone as significant, after all it’s just a ticked off to-do list, but this is a to-do list I completed pro-actively and without the constant feeling of overwhelm and that is where the achievement and significance lies. As organised and ‘together’ as I look on the outside, it’s a constant uphill struggle that rarely ends in a win.

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Tonight I cried about Politicians

Tonight I cried about Politicians

And part of me feels a little silly for letting it get to me that much. But then I remembered, politicians make decisions that affect our daily lives; much as people love to say ‘don’t bring politics into this’ the truth is politics affects our daily existence and tonight, it all got a bit too much.

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Re-adjusting

Re-adjusting

Holme Fen – Big Skies!

Today, for the first time since the end of March, I looked in my Filofax. Usually the small, treasured item that organises my life and it looked at most days, it has been left untouched for the best part of 3 months. There were some things scribbled out in it, from when Covid-19 first started cancelling all our plans, but I had stopped at the middle of June, unsure at the time how long the virus would last. I don’t think any of us were really sure and June let alone September still felt like a long time away, so cancelling things beyond June seemed silly. I wasn’t naive in thinking they were definitely going to be fine, but I also didn’t know so it was worth leaving them for the time being.

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Why I have Black Women to thank for great curly hair.

Why I have Black Women to thank for great curly hair.

I’m not usually one to boast about the compliments I receive. I usually receive them awkwardly like a typical, dorky, anxious millennial, but if I was asked a direct question, which feature do you receive the most compliments about, it is my hair. I am lucky to have volume-rich, curly hair and as I try and tackle my own self confidence issues, it’s a feature I am proud of and like about myself.

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