How a Podcast inspired me to dream again.

How a Podcast inspired me to dream again.

Dramatic title, yes, but I don’t think it’s too much of an exaggeration. 8 days ago, somewhere between 1 and 3 in the morning of the 19th of January, I couldn’t sleep. The day before I had written this post and cried, a lot. I had cried about my lack of drive, the fact I felt I had no dreams to follow, having no idea what step to take next and the crippling fear that was making me so sad. By writing the post I gave myself an opportunity to process those feelings and by finally articulating and processing them, I immediately felt a bit brighter. And in those quiet hours I sat at my desk started planning a new idea, one that has turned me from a crying mess with no clue which way to turn, to a woman more driven than I have ever been, with a fire in my belly I have not had before.

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At The Crossroads Without a Map

At The Crossroads Without a Map

Currently, I feel like I’m standing at a crossroads, with a sign as helpful as the one above, without a map. And in all honesty it’s a struggle. I don’t intend to sound as dramatic as this does, but in March everything changed for me, not a single part of my life, bar my home (for that I am grateful) stayed the same and I have been floating in limbo ever since. I lost my job, my hobbies stopped, my community responsibilities changed drastically and any semblance of a sense of purpose went with south with them and now I have no idea a) what I want, b) how to get there or c) how to cope with the complete lack of stability that it’s causing.

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What does it feel like to be diagnosed with ADHD? In short, I don’t know.

What does it feel like to be diagnosed with ADHD? In short, I don’t know.

This morning, after my final diagnosis appointment with a Psychiatrist, I have been diagnosed with Combined-ADHD. In short, this means I have both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive traits and in terms of the ADHD spectrum, my Dr said I was moderate. I’m thankful that this process hasn’t taken very long and that options available to me for private treatment via the NHS have meant that I have not had to face long waiting times and I have the answers to my suspicions. In terms of what else I am feeling about this diagnosis, well, many things, and it’s going to take me some time to process those feelings. So I’m starting the only way I know how: writing.

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