A Relentless Cycle

A Relentless Cycle

So, I am now a lot closer to an ADHD diagnosis than I thought I would be by now as there was a way for me to speed up the process. I also appreciate that this may turn out to not be that, although the more I read about it and have seen from others’ experience this week, the more it feels like ‘the shoe fits’, but regardless of what it turns out to be, this week has made me evalute myself a lot more and has forced me to have to try and articulate what I mean about how I feel and how I find things. And it’s made me identify what I find hardest about whatever this is.

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Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid, Do It Anyway.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid, Do It Anyway.

This image may not look like much and may not strike anyone as significant, after all it’s just a ticked off to-do list, but this is a to-do list I completed pro-actively and without the constant feeling of overwhelm and that is where the achievement and significance lies. As organised and ‘together’ as I look on the outside, it’s a constant uphill struggle that rarely ends in a win.

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Tonight I cried about Politicians

Tonight I cried about Politicians

And part of me feels a little silly for letting it get to me that much. But then I remembered, politicians make decisions that affect our daily lives; much as people love to say ‘don’t bring politics into this’ the truth is politics affects our daily existence and tonight, it all got a bit too much.

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Re-adjusting

Re-adjusting

Holme Fen – Big Skies!

Today, for the first time since the end of March, I looked in my Filofax. Usually the small, treasured item that organises my life and it looked at most days, it has been left untouched for the best part of 3 months. There were some things scribbled out in it, from when Covid-19 first started cancelling all our plans, but I had stopped at the middle of June, unsure at the time how long the virus would last. I don’t think any of us were really sure and June let alone September still felt like a long time away, so cancelling things beyond June seemed silly. I wasn’t naive in thinking they were definitely going to be fine, but I also didn’t know so it was worth leaving them for the time being.

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Why I have Black Women to thank for great curly hair.

Why I have Black Women to thank for great curly hair.

I’m not usually one to boast about the compliments I receive. I usually receive them awkwardly like a typical, dorky, anxious millennial, but if I was asked a direct question, which feature do you receive the most compliments about, it is my hair. I am lucky to have volume-rich, curly hair and as I try and tackle my own self confidence issues, it’s a feature I am proud of and like about myself.

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Violence will always be prevalent in a world that never truly learns its lessons.

Violence will always be prevalent in a world that never truly learns its lessons.

I’m tired of seeing quite clearly hollow posts and comments that only utter ‘violence is not the answer’ and words to that effect from people (and let’s be honest, mainly white people) in the few days since the tragic death of George Floyd.

I’d like to make it crystal clear that the posts calling for peaceful protest and constructive action are not the posts I mean here. These posts are the best posts in this time. 

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A Punch in the Face from Dominic Cummings

A Punch in the Face from Dominic Cummings

I write this post as I think about the revelations this weekend of Dominic Cumming’s 260 mile trip north during lockdown, and the more I think about it, the more it fills me with absolute, incandescent rage. I will try, as best I can, to keep this to the point, to not be too rude or completely sucked into this emotionally, but it is my opinion, I don’t believe it’s a completely unreasonable one, and I make no apologies for a) having an opinion b) wanting to voice it or c) using bad language (sorry, Mum).

I also write this post only an hour or so after writing this one, about how a life of 9 weeks of shielding is getting me down. And it’s because of the first post that this one is getting me quite worked up.

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Thanks, but I don’t want to.

Thanks, but I don’t want to.

I am eternally grateful for all the nice comments people have said in these last 62 days. I am by and large feeling more positive thanks to everyone who has told me I am doing well during this, and I have proved to myself I am a lot stronger than I thought, but I don’t want to be told these things anymore. Because I don’t want to have to continue to live in this strange, cold and disconnected way.

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New Music Fridays – 1st May 2020

New Music Fridays – 1st May 2020

Image via Spotify

I’ve no idea how statistically popular my post was about new music last week, but I had a lot of fun writing it so I’m back again for round 2. This week, Kip Moore (pictured above) is back with his second single in as many weeks, Tide Lines have released their fifth single from ‘Eye of the Storm’, their second album which also comes out today and there are more hits from Green Day, Luke Combs and more. I’m afraid this week the Disappointments list is a little longer, but there’s still plenty to check out.

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